Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
