69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
