I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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