another moral hangover. fuck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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