6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize