just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
