dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
