So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
