I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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