i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
