You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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