her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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