What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
