Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
