having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
