I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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