theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
