Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
