I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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