You're completely useless in the revolution.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
