Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.