will power is for people who don't want to get laid
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.