If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.