your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.