You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
