final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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