So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
