party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
