had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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