we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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