My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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