So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
