Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
