she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
