i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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