We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This house was built for laser tag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
