You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
COCAINE IS GR8
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
