Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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