the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So many bounce houses so little time
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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