Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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