walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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