This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
