you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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