Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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