I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
