i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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