Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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