your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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