party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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