I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
