loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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