so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
