Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
