we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
