My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
