I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
