I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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