she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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