a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
