Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
