I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone came in the potted fern
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
