Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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