Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize