Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
