If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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