I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
