They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
