he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
