U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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