he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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