I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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