We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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