He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
