just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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