Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
